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  Aaron’s wrist worked frantically.

  You’re doing it. I know you’re doing it. Shit!

  The IM window blinked, but Aaron lost his focus on it. All he could see were the images flashing on the inside of his eyelids. Images of Ki lying on his side, elbow propped on the mattress between Aaron’s thighs, one of Aaron’s knees bent over his chest, as he worked both lubed hands on Aaron’s body. One fisted his cock; the other fingered his ass. That low, melodic voice encouraged the same things he’d just been typing and more. Aaron moaned, fixated on the memory. He jerked frantically, wishing with all his might that Ki was here doing it to him instead of halfway across the world. With a blasting surge and a pained cry, he came, spattering ropes of white cum on his hand and Ki’s sweatshirt.

  Breathing heavily, he was finally able to focus on the IM window again. Nothing new had appeared. Trying to calm himself, he took off the sweatshirt and used it to wipe himself. Momentarily unconcerned with the cool air, he put his fingers to the keyboard.

  Ki?

  No answer. Was Ki doing the same thing he’d just done? Was this how you had virtual sex? The thought of Ki sitting in a hotel room, jerking off in front of his laptop, almost had Aaron going again. To distract himself, he went to get another shirt, this time choosing one of Ki’s sweaters.

  When he got back, the IM was blinking again.

  Oh man that was intense.

  Yeah.

  You did it, didn’t you?

  Yeah.

  Wow fuck. I miss you.

  Tears clouded Aaron’s eyes. Tears he could never shed in front of Ki spilled down his cheeks. If only Ki knew. I miss you too.

  Hey, I got a present for you.

  What?

  Look in the bottom left drawer of the dresser under the window.

  I thought you meant you got me something in Japan?

  I’ll do that. But go get this one.

  Curious, Aaron went to the dresser, wiping the tears from his eyes. He dropped to his knees to open the drawer and pulled out a long black box. He took it back to the bed and glanced at the IM. Nothing new. Ki was waiting for him.

  Am I supposed to open it now?

  Yeah.

  He did so. He stared. He was pretty sure he knew what it was, but ... Is this what I think it is?

  If you think it’s a dildo, then yes.

  Aaron’s heart started to race again. It wasn’t as long or thick as Ki, but it had alarming bumps along the shaft.

  The IM blinked at him. Are you mad?

  No.

  I thought about getting you a plug, but I don’t think you really need it.

  Aaron was having trouble processing this turn of events. It’s purple.

  LOL yeah. It was either purple or pink. I thought you’d rather have purple.

  He couldn’t fathom a pink one. He gingerly lifted the thing from its contoured plastic bed. It was slick and made of something like firm rubber. It’s got bumps.

  That’s the point. They’ll hit that sweet spot that drives you nuts. I wanted to give it to you before I left but there wasn’t a good time. Now you can use it and think of me.

  I wouldn’t even know how to begin.

  You know plenty of websites. Look it up. I expect you to be good at it by the time I get back. I wanna watch.

  Bossy fucker.

  LOL

  Pervert.

  Oh you sweet talker you. You know you wanna try it.

  Aaron stared at the dildo. His body still tingled from jerking off, and Ki’s lingering scent on the sweater was driving him crazy. But could he really ...?

  I’m signing off now.

  Red, don’t be mad.

  I’m not mad.

  You gonna go use it?!

  :S

  LOL

  Fuck off Ki.

  Night Red. Sleep tight and dream of me.

  Aaron decidedly closed the window and signed off of IM. He stared at the purple dildo in the box and shivered. As though he had a hope of dreaming of anything or anyone else.

  Chapter Seven

  “Are you insulting my cooking?!” Ki demanded in mock outrage.

  Aaron laughed. Ki hitched him up onto the kitchen counter, stepping between his legs.

  “You call that cooking? No!” Aaron shrieked when Ki started to tickle him.

  “I’m a better cook than you anyway,” Ki laughed, torturing Aaron. “Admit it.”

  “No.”

  “Who was it who cooked Thanksgiving dinner?”

  “Who was it who reheated Thanksgiving dinner?”

  “Bah! You still loved it.” Ki abandoned the tickling in favor of grabbing handfuls of Aaron’s hair and yanking the younger man into an involved kiss.

  It was Aaron who broke away. “That supposed sauce is going to boil over.”

  “Shit!” Ki released him and rushed to check his sauce.

  Grinning, Aaron stayed perched on the counter, readjusting the glasses that Ki’s kiss had knocked askew. Ki had only been back two days, and they had yet to leave the house. After he’d picked Ki up at the airport, they’d barely made it back to the house before they were out of their clothes and fucking on the sectional couch. After the couch, they made it to the bedroom, then managed a long, beautiful soak in Ki’s bathtub. Since the following day was Thanksgiving, they’d spent the day in a food-themed marathon of sex, interrupted only by naps and the arrival of the takeout Ki had ordered, delivered at an exorbitant price. Friday had been only slightly more subdued, taken up mostly with eating leftovers and watching the poor selection of movies available on satellite. The more boring movies were only endured through further bouts of lovemaking. Aaron was constantly sore and couldn’t have been happier to be so.

  Now, on Saturday night, they were actually clean, having both showered ‑‑ separately ‑‑ for dinner, but it was proving incredibly difficult to keep their hands off each other. To keep from tempting Ki ‑‑ because he really was hungry and wanted some of the divine-smelling spaghetti ‑‑ Aaron hopped from the counter and padded to the living room to change the CD.

  He was roaming Ki’s collection when the doorbell sounded. He froze. In the entire time he’d been with Ki, no one else had ever been in the house with them.

  He heard Ki in the kitchen. “What the hell?” Utensils clattered, and Aaron heard him leave the room. Turning, he saw Ki cross the hallway to open the door.

  “Happy birthday!” a chorus of voices chimed.

  Aaron stood there, horrified. Ki’s birthday wasn’t until the middle of the week, but that fact didn’t seem to matter. Ki cried out in apparent joy. Aaron crept to the arched entry of the living room to see. Ki was hugging and greeting at least a dozen visible people, most of them female.

  One of the women who was already in the house saw him. She was a tall, slim brunette with sultry brown eyes and pouty red lips. She was dressed in a sleeveless flaming-red top and tight white stretch pants that left nothing about her curvy body to the imagination. She crossed to him, beaming. Deftly, she juggled two bottles of wine into one hand and extended the other toward him. “Hi, there! I’m Rachel. I don’t think we’ve met.”

  Caught, Aaron extended his hand. “Aaron,” he mumbled. His accustomed bashfulness, banished in Ki’s presence, resurfaced with a vengeance, strangling his mastery of the English language.

  “You must be the friend Ki’s been having help him with the house.”

  Aaron nodded. Ki had told others about him? When had he talked to this dark-haired, beautiful woman?

  She passed him into the living room. “Well, it looks fabulous!”

  Aaron glanced toward the door to see Ki extricate himself from the flood of people entering the room. They exchanged a glance that assured Aaron that Ki had known nothing about this influx. That only made him feel marginally better. Ki stopped by his side, not touching, but his presence was comforting. Aaron managed not to cower and plaster himself to Ki, but it was a near thing.

  Ki eyed the woman who roamed the living
room like she owned the place. “Rachel, why do I get the feeling you’re behind all this?”

  She giggled, turning and posing. More people filed into the house. There were more than the dozen Aaron had initially seen. His heart began to pound.

  “C’mon, Ki. You didn’t expect us to miss throwing you a little birthday party, did you? You know you’d never forgive us.”

  “A little warning would have been nice.”

  “But then you might have said no. Like you said no before you left and like you said no to Thanksgiving.” She made a cute little pout. “It’s been too long since you had a party. I knew you wouldn’t mind.”

  Aaron looked up to see Ki smile. His heart sank. Irrationally, he wanted Ki to get angry and throw all of these people out. Realistically, he reasoned that such surprises were likely a normal occurrence for a man like Ki.

  Ki glanced down at Aaron, that smile blinding. He slung an arm around Aaron’s shoulder, an action far more like a friend’s than a lover’s. “C’mon, I’ll introduce you around.”

  Aaron stood in the bathroom connected to Ki’s bedroom, shaking. He hated parties. He always had. He was worse at parties than he was in everyday situations. He never knew what to say and always had the feeling that people wanted to be anywhere but with him. Even the ones who were clearly interested in getting him into bed. Those, actually, were worse. Ki, however, was in his element. Aaron had watched him flowing easily through the crowd of at least thirty people, chatting and laughing and completely at ease. At first, Aaron had tried to stick to his side, but it was like trying to leash a tiger or get a good grip on water. He’d finally given up and drifted to the edges of the crowd. Some of Ki’s friends might have tried to talk to him, but he was too far out of his element to even make an attempt at being friendly. He was sure he looked like a fool even trying. There was no hope for it. He had to leave. Best to do so without telling Ki.

  He opened the door to find the bedroom occupied. The brunette, Rachel, was laid out on the bed, giggling. Another woman, a cute little blonde, stood to the side of the bed, holding two drinks.

  “This will feel good tonight!” Rachel said.

  Both women started at the sound of the door. Rachel sat up, adjusting the strap of her top back onto her shoulder. Seeing it was him, both women relaxed.

  “Aaron!” Rachel cried, bouncing off the bed. “Where have you been all night?’

  “I ... uh ...”

  “Hey, listen.” She planted her hands on either of his shoulders. He was surprised to feel himself bump up against the wall beside the door to the hallway. She stepped into his space, almost rubbing up against him. Her perfume surrounded him in a cloying cloud. He was only an inch or so taller than she, so she could very well meet and catch his gaze. “My friend Sandy there thinks you’re hot.”

  “Rachel!”

  Rachel grinned drunkenly, ignoring her friend’s protest. “Why don’t you and she stay the night in the other room? Then the four of us can have breakfast in the morning?”

  “Four?”

  “You, me, Sandy, and Ki. It’ll be fun.”

  “You’re staying?”

  Her grin took on a sly slant. “That’s usually what happens when I come to see Ki.”

  Aaron swallowed. Did she know? Was she warning him off? No. She didn’t know. She couldn’t. She was merely going on past experience. He didn’t at all doubt that Ki had slept with her. In fact, he thought he might recognize her from one of the many press releases he’d seen when he’d researched Ki. Their way together in the crowd of people was far too familiar not to be practiced.

  Bright pink panic hazed his sight. He muttered something and yanked her hands from his shoulders. No longer caring what it looked like, he spun and fled the room. People milled around in the hallway and more in the living room, covering his escape. He scooped his keys from the bowl near the front door and made a beeline for his blue Saturn. Luckily, he was parked behind Ki’s Mercedes in the driveway, so no one was blocking him. By the time the panic subsided, he was on the freeway, halfway to his apartment. His laptop and some of his clothes were lost behind him, but he’d worry about that later.

  He was home before his cell phone rang. A glance at caller ID showed him it was Ki. His heart surged, but he didn’t answer. He waited until the phone chirped at him, warning that he had a voicemail. He dialed to receive the message.

  “Red, where are you? I looked around, and you’re gone. Someone said they saw you drive off. Then I saw your car was gone.” He sounded slightly drunk. He’d seen Ki drink quite a bit and not sound drunk, so he must have had a lot. “Look, I’m sorry about this. I didn’t know Rachel was going to do this. Come back. There are people here you’d love to talk to. Really. I know you hate parties, but ... Shit. Call me back. I’ve got my phone on me.”

  Aaron squeezed his eyes shut and hung up. Ki wasn’t going to stop the party, and he sounded like he was having fun. Of course he was. Why wouldn’t he? Normal people had fun at parties. Only dorky geeks who’d never learned to socialize couldn’t function properly at parties.

  Aaron sank down onto his own bed. His one-room apartment seemed vacant and cold compared to the house he’d shared with Ki. For the first time, his wall of desk and computer equipment underneath his pristine, framed Matrix poster seemed alien. The bed was hard and uncomfortable. The noise of the street outside was unnaturally loud.

  A half-hour later, he was still in the same position when the phone in his hand rang. Again it was Ki. Again he waited for the voicemail.

  “Aaron, where are you?” Now he sounded mad. “Are you all right? What’s going on in that thinking little brain of yours? Call me!”

  He couldn’t. Doing so would only ruin Ki’s fun. Ki was in his element. Ki was doing what he should be doing. Aaron’s time with him had been blissful, but he now saw that it must have been an unnatural interlude for Ki. By all accounts, nights like tonight, surrounded with people, music, and alcohol, were far more natural for him.

  When the phone rang the third time, Aaron decided he should probably answer. He swallowed down his tears and flipped the phone open. “Hey, Ki.”

  “What the fuck, man! Where are you?”

  “I left.”

  “I noticed. Why?”

  Would it do any good to explain? To tell Ki what Rachel had implied? No. “I dunno. Not my thing.”

  “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know Rachel was going to do this.”

  “I know.”

  “Why don’t you come back?”

  “No.”

  “No? Why not?”

  “I’m not comfortable at parties.”

  Ki heaved a sigh. “I know. I know. But there aren’t that many people here. They’re all good people.”

  Not that many? Aaron swallowed a laugh. He and Ki had a vastly different definition of the word “many.” “No, thanks.”

  Another sigh. “Okay. Okay. You’ll come back tomorrow?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe? What’s that mean?”

  Going by his tone and the lack of background noise, Aaron judged that Ki had shut himself away from the party or walked into the backyard. In any case, he was alone. He wondered where Rachel was. Shouldn’t she be making her move by now?

  “You might not be alone tomorrow.”

  “Huh?”

  Aaron heaved a breath. “Look, Ki. I know how it goes. It’s okay, really. I know Rachel will probably stay the night.”

  “What? Fuck! What’d she say to you?”

  “Nothing. But I’ve got eyes. She your girlfriend?”

  “Girlfriend? Jesus. You’re jealous?”

  Yes! “No.”

  “I’m not going to sleep with Rachel tonight.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why not?!”

  “You probably miss sleeping with her by now.” The words were fiery shards in his throat, but he spoke them calmly enough.

  “Is that what you think?”

  “Shouldn’t I? Yo
u told me from the start that you weren’t gay.”

  “Well, yeah. But ‑‑”

  “Listen, it’s okay. I gotta go.”

  “Aaron, don’t ‑‑”

  Decidedly, Aaron flipped the phone closed and turned it off.

  Chapter Eight

  If Ki called the next day, Aaron didn’t know it. He kept his cell phone ‑‑ his only phone ‑‑ off and didn’t sign in to IM. There were no emails, but then, that wasn’t Ki’s style. Aaron wasn’t worried that Ki would come find him. In all their time together, Ki had never been to his apartment. Their entire relationship was centered in and around Ki’s house.

  Aaron had spent the night torturing himself with thoughts of Ki having sex with Rachel. Although he’d never performed the act with a woman himself, he knew plenty about it from the internet. Picturing Ki’s dick sunk deep into Rachel’s body had driven Aaron crazy with jealousy and made sleep impossible.

  In desperation, he’d logged on and worked on some of his freelance projects that had not quite been forgotten in the past few weeks. During his time with Ki, he’d been borderline neglectful, getting just enough done to satisfy his customers’ needs, but not going the extra distance that made him a sought-after designer. His customers got far more work out of him that Sunday than they’d gotten in the past few weeks, even if it did have a manic quality. When he finally did fall asleep in the middle of Sunday, it was from sheer exhaustion.

  He woke, starving, later that night. The only thing he had was instant ramen noodles and Coke. He considered walking to the corner to get some Chinese food or finding a 7-Eleven, but he couldn’t bear the thought of going out. So ramen it was. Staring blindly at the water that was sitting on the stove to boil, Aaron was caught off guard by the tears that suddenly streamed down his face.

  Already he missed Ki. It was like a piece of his chest had been torn away and a fat, gaping hole was draining his life’s blood. This was worse than the hurt when Ki had gone out of town. Then there had been some hope. Ki had decidedly reassured him that he was coming back and that their affair would continue. Now Aaron wasn’t so sure. Even if Ki didn’t sleep with Rachel, he was likely pissed off to no end by Aaron’s refusal to talk to him.